Brilliant Ubiquitous Leverage Limiting Simple Hideous Interactive Trends – Part II

The wrath of Airtel.


Airtel One-to-One. A perfect example of 'Brilliant Ubiquitous Leverage Limiting Simple Hideous Interactive Trends' . i.e. B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.

Why? Dial 121 to find out!

Kanekshun Setup Phaze
Step 1: Pick up a phone. Not any phone, but a phone with Airtel written all over it.
Step 2: Dial 121. First Dial 1, then Dial 2, then Dial 1 again.
Step 3: Press the button that says 'Call' or the button with a picture of a phone on it.

Kanekshun Establishment Phaze
Rrrrrrring. Rrrrrrrrring.

Kanekshun Established Phaze
121: Welcome to Airtel Customer Care.

Our menu options are constantly changing.

This is done to make your meaningless lives more complicated

Please listen to all our options to make the right decision.

Any wrong option selected will be severly penalized.

For info. on your account , Press 1

For info. on someone elses account , Press 2

For info. on extra services , Press 3

For changing your menu and language options , Press 7

At any time,to get back to the main menu, press #

Step 1: Fumble with the keypad and press 1. ( After all , it comes first! )

121: To know your balance, Press 1

To change your billing options Press 2

To activate or deactivate a service Press 3

To Go back to the previous menu, press 0

To Go back to the main menu, press #



To talk to a customer care officer, press 9

Step 2: Press 9!!

121: "Please hold the line, one of our officers will be with you shortly."

Ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta ta da da da da. Vi Vi vi vi ….
( thats the sound of the airtel tune being played on a whistle… )

"Sorry to keep you waiting, all our officers are currently busy!"
"Sorry to keep you waiting, all our officers are currently busy!"
"Sorry to keep you waiting, all our officers are currently busy!"

"Sorry to keep you waiting, all our officers are currently busy!"
(This goes on till someone decides to pickup the phone…)
Thank you for calling Airtel, my name is ______ , how may I help you?

Step 3: State your problem. Only one problem per call.
"I have a problem with .. "

121: "Yes sir, may i have your name?"
"May i have your number?"
"May i have your model number of the phone?"
"Sir, please hold the line"

"But … But…!"

121: "Thank you for calling airtel. Have a nice day"
Ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta ta da da da da. Vi Vi vi vi ….
"Thank you for calling airtel. Have a nice day"
Ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta ta da da da da. Vi Vi vi vi ….
"Thank you for calling airtel. Have a nice day"
Ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta da ta ta ta ta ta ta da da da da. Vi Vi vi vi ….

Around 8 – 10 minutes later…

"Sir , thank you for holding the line. I had gone to have a cup of tea. You didn't tell me your problem."

(At this time they look into the Airtel 121 handbook … )

a) We will perform a system reset
b) Please turn off your phone and turn it on again
c) Please remove the sim and insert it again
d) Your sim is actually blocked. Please try to make outgoing calls now
e) We are only customer care, please contact the technical department
f) We cannot give you the numbers of the technical department.
g) Actually, do you work for airtel? Are you an Airtel employee?
h) Sir, please go to SIMSON communications. They are the dealers here. They will give you a repeater.
i) SIMSON communications? Repeater? No sir. We did not tell you to go there. Why would we do that?
j) Actually if you ask us to disable the connection, it means that we will keep it enabled, but you should not use it!
k) This connection comes with no activation/usage charge for international roaming. You just have to pay for it.
l) Please send a reply "YES" to 121
m) Please hold the line once again.
n) Actually, we do not have any control over that.
o) I fully understand your problem.
p) Yes sir. I know it is a very big problem, our people will visit you and solve your problem.
q) Sir, from the report we have received from the technical department : 'Customer is 1km away from the tower, will get satisfactory outdoor coverage."

– Keep cycling through the answers till the customer gets tired.

Kanekshun Termination Phaze
Customer: "Go to hell , you **** *** *** ****** ! "

Need I say more?

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5 Responses to “Brilliant Ubiquitous Leverage Limiting Simple Hideous Interactive Trends – Part II”

  1. methinks Says:

    hehe! try talking to the reliance people. first you’ll get an option for help in eng, or hindi. choose english, and an aunti with the ‘shudhh’est ofh indi will come, from maharashtra and give you lots of gyaan with long hindi words… sigh..

    happens to aaaall of us. sigh sigh.

  2. Vijayeta Says:

    I think nothing beats what u hear when u call Sahara… Sahara Pranam! And then they put u on hold. And then u hear another Sahara Pranam…and so on and so forth till you hang up irritated! And they always have the last laugh. Always!

  3. Vijayeta Says:

    By the way…would love to know what u think abt what i think of the men in my blog 😉
    V

  4. akhil Says:

    great!
    you’ve got real uncanny sense of humour & sarcasm .
    a goddamn combination that amuses me more than often.
    keep it going!!!

  5. Jency Says:

    Wow..Superb…This is exactly wat is happening evrywhr..Evn i faced it lot of times..And They used to say “Ohh ma’am..That was our marketing strategy!!!!”How Genuis they are right??

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