mourning for dummies

Welcome, to 'Mourning for Dummies'…

The ingredients for this recipie are all easily available and im sure each and every one of you will be well prepared for mourning in style!!

ingredients:
10 juveniles, free for the day
3 policemen
2-3 goats
sticks
stones
tires, preferably steel radial
buses, for taste
buildings made entirely of glass (presentation items)
electrical pliers
VHF/UHF selective noise generators
sports equipment
some 'bhangra' music
food for thought

method:

1. take two juveniles, a hockey stick and a goat each and mix them together. the goat should be a scapegoat prefereably. mix them properly to form a nice thin and fluffy 'diversion', that will attract the police men and flies from all over town. then scoot from the area and let the diversion settle in the freezer.

2. now that the policemen and scapegoats are out of the way, lets work on the tires. take 3-5 tires and mix them well with a few drops of vanilla essence. Now douse well in brandy and sprinkle some brown sugar and icing sugar to give it a heavenly look. remember to light the 'rings of heaven' on fire before serving. you will get the sweet smell of vanilla,caramel and burning rubber. now play the bhangra music and make the juveniles smile and dance in the background while the news crew use Optical face recognition to find out who you are ( to arrest your sorry ass, the minute this is over ) and broadcast it to the world

3. take 2 juveniles, some sticks and stones and look for a fresh bus. The fresher , the better. the freshness can be identified by breaking off a window or two. if you hear a crisp crackling sound, you know its fresh. now we want to bake the bus to a near golden brown colour, so make a few holes in the bus with the sticks and stones. choose sticks and stones that will break your bones for best results. now after you have prepared the batter … i.e. the battered bus, set it on fire until you see a light golden brown. when you see this, run for your life, since the fuel tank is most likely to explode.

4. now for the decorative images, look for a building made entirely of glass, and proceed to redesign its front walls to look like the broken lcd of a calculator. remember the motto, leave no stone unturned, and , if the windows aint crashed, then theres something wrong. So proceed to break every alternate window. And assign points if your stone hit your target window.

5. now comes the fancy part. Locate your cable operators / broadband service providers. use the electrical pliers to splice the satellite uplink/downlink cables and connect it to your set top UHV/VHF transceiver. Now tune in the CRO to make sure that all intelligent signals are drowned out , and only white noise is allowed over the analog medium. ( ** For those using DTH services, now you can receive white noise in 5.1 digital surround sound ** ) . The same can be done with the nearest radio station.

6. If you are still not happy, then go to the nearest cellular operator and hijack their tower to broadcast your own signal. Now the only thing a frigging GSM / CDMA user is going to hear on their phones is what you transmit… ( how about the handshaking music all day ? eh ? )

Serve all the items fresh and make sure that all shopkeepers are out celebrating with you.
When all the others return home starved, take out the food for thought and eat half of it.
Keep the other half for the remaining of the celebrations…

~tta

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