Archive for June, 2006

Sierra Juliet… where art thou?

June 14, 2006

"We Have All The Time In The World" … did not escape from me, rather, the ending lines of the James Bond movie "On Her Majesty's Secret Service".Silver Juliet

 

 

 

Bond was married to Tracy (Teresa) for the shortest time. Yet, the loss of a loved one (fictional or not) caused us great grief. After all, every one knew Bond, and a friend of Bond was a friend,and a foe – a foe. Yet recent incidents sparked up a controvesy in my head. Does not knowing someone make their loss easier to bear? Apparenty not. The mention of a Sierra Juliet, who seems to have passed in the same way sparked a similar reaction. Why? Technically, I don't even know who Sierra Juliet is; but even if I did, I would respect her all the same. And in the end, that's all that matters.

 

 

It started with a black and white notice on a wall , and a familiar name. Then a flurry of mails, and finally a conclusion. Sierra Juliet does not roam around with mere mortals any more, but is now omnipresent. What do I know? Nothing! An active blogger, a beta tester, a Toastmaster, and much more I'm sure.

A `scion no less, but one who will not be forgotten.

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Four weddings & a funeral…

June 8, 2006

four carriers and miles-and-more, our hero returns to the mother land …. carrying a Wrrrt54g, and a Zen neon. Back to the drawing board, but more like out of the frying pan,and into the fire…

From the boardroom, to the bullock cart, out returns to the skedjul that he left behind. or at-least he tries to anyway. which brings our hero to face four weddings and a funeral, each with its commitments, ups and downs, and each having its own trials… And the funeral being the only relief from the otherwise dreary days.

Mani has come to beleive the teachings of the great professor of cubicle psyche, Scott Adams, and has understood the complexities behind the application of 'the Dilbert Principle' to Induh-viduals. Speaking of patents, one that comes to mind can be found here

mani is working on deriving an equational relationship between the work done by engines and software engineering processing power. 

simply speaking, in olden times, horses/mules were used to do work such as turning mills to grind grain and pump water.

 now some intelligent scientists decided to derive an equation  connecting the poor animals running in circles and people at dumb terminals slogging away. 

"Horse power" was to express a unit of energy. Now the more horses you have, the more power you have, and vice versa. Something like connecting resistors in series or parallel and arriving at the same value. Now, brilliant scientists derived an equation that 1 horse power = 746 Watt, and decided that since hiring horses to do peoples work was unethical at the least, they should find a way to convert this energy into something tangible.

1 hp = 1/2 Columbus or 746 W. <Wikipedia>
James watt was smart to name his findings after himself!! 

Soooo.. one day, someone came up with the idea of "person months"!. Brilliance, expressing time and resources together in a convenient unit that is globally acceptable! Only this unit was not passed by the IEEE or any other governing organization. This unit never went through the stringent testing methods used before a thought becomes reality. No, this idea was put into work directly. Enter a policy.  A policy is the implementation of an idea before the side effects of the implementation can be fully derived and neutralized thus causing little or no discomfort to the unfortunate souls that reside in the cuboidal office premises.

So, the person months equation was born! And so the jingle was formed,

Personali-fragilistic-make-em-work-for-months ,
even the sound of it is something quite atrocious,
if you say it loud enoug, you're sure to sound presumptious,
Personali-fragilistic-make-em-work-for-months!!!

Now unlike resistors in series and capacitors in parallel, you couldn't just add people together and reduce months…
(See what happens when you don't follow Policy design standards??)

So they took a lesson out of Ohms law and formulated the statement:

1 Person month is the amount of grief experienced by a cubicle dweller when he is subjected to the pressures of 1 atmosphere from each induhvidual for one month.

Now scalability was not one of the features of this theorem.  So, when they put one and one together , they got:

2 person months is the …. by 2 cubicle dwellers …. for one month, … OR 1 cubicle dweller for 2 months.

Hmm..  to the untrained eye, it looked feasible. After all,

1 P.m. = 1 person * 1 month
2 P.m. = 2 person * 1 month == 1 person * 2 months !!  LHS = RHS .. Eureka!!!


x P.m. = x persons * 1 month == 1 person * x months !!
This is called P.M.P.O.  ( Person months probable output ) I.e. just a possible explanation for what an actual calculation will look like. To get more valid results and to reduce complexity, we decrease the persons , and the months ,and just round off the results. This is called "scaling" . So , in the end ,

4 P.m. = (2-1) person * (2-1) months …. 🙂 !! ( Who is afraid of losing 1 P.m. ?? . Just subtract 1 from each side! )

This value is a more realistic figure, and is know as R.M.S … ( Really means SCREWED!!! )
and 1 p.m. = 8.5 * 22 horse power. So, this simple equation tells you how to replace the horses on your workforce with induhviduals!!  

And so , the method to measure work done by a induhvidual was born. This person must have the initials P.M. ? to have named the unit of work and induhvidual suffering after himself!!
( T's As are in the process of applying for Induhlectual Property Rights for this calculation , and derivation of Person months <-> horse power.. )

~tta